The story of Gunilla

I had to leave the relationship to avoid losing myself. When I was young, I loved to dance, sing, paint, and tame wild kittens. I would sit alone in my room and write letters to pen pals from all around the world.

I felt that it wasn’t quite appropriate and felt shame. I was expected to perform. I was supposed to be fearless, kind, and well-behaved. When I was 4 years old, my father became seriously ill, and at the same time, my little brother was born. There wasn’t enough space for me and my older sister. My parents were busy trying to survive and handle the situation.

I loved sitting up in the hayloft and taming the wild kittens. It was quiet and peaceful up there, and I was completely present, experiencing excitement and curiosity. I had tremendous patience and knew that eventually, I would have tamed the little ones, and it was an amazing feeling. They trusted me and were not afraid.

Outwardly, I appeared to be doing well because I could travel a lot and go away on vacations. But in my heart, I didn’t feel well. My parents did their best with where they were in their lives, but like many others of their generation, they had never learned anything about emotions and communication.

I began to avoid facing my feelings – and ran away from myself.

Binge eating to avoid feeling! In my youth, I was fully occupied with riding, taking care of the horses, and schoolwork. I trained a lot, including running, working out at the gym, and sitting on the exercise bike, locked in the bathroom for hours, studying. I absolutely could not become fat – if I became fat, I had nothing in my life. I also had to excel, both in school and outside, to be someone.

Sometimes, when the emotions became too much, I would binge eat, and afterward, I regretted it and purged both food and emotions. I didn’t know what to do with all the emotions. I had performance anxiety and couldn’t stop because when I did, I started feeling a lot of emotions, and it felt very dangerous – it was anxiety-inducing. I constantly had stomachaches due to all the emotions that got stuck in my stomach during my school years.

I finally dared to stop and get in touch with what I had been running away from. When I was in my mid-twenties, a qigong poster appeared in Lund, and my whole being wanted to attend the course. After a weekend course in qigong, my stomach felt better, and I knew that qigong would become a part of my life, and I would work with it – everything felt logical, and qigong followed the laws of nature.

The initial period was tough because qigong movements are slow, and I sometimes panicked because I had to start facing everything I had been running away from my whole life – my emotions and myself. It took a while before I could start enjoying and thriving in the silence and calmness – in stillness. After a while, I could go into my body and began to feel that I existed, that I was unique and amazing. I felt like a part of the universe and nature, and it was so vast and an amazing feeling. I was alive!

When life turned but something important was missing. Many years later, I was in a very destructive relationship. A relationship that lasted for many years and was not good for me, and I began to lose myself more and more. I was afraid to end the relationship because I didn’t know what the consequences would be.

Finally, I realized that if I didn’t leave the relationship, I would lose myself completely. I followed my heart and left the relationship, but the fear of the consequences still lingered within me. It took many years for me to find my way back to myself. Qigong was one of the important components in bringing me back.

I still felt deep down that something important was missing from my life, but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. One day, Anneli, my friend from high school, told me that she and Carl had started holding courses in Heart Intelligence with Human Awareness. This sounded so exciting, and I wanted to learn more! After the first course, I was completely sold!

I found my inner strength… For the first time, I found my way back to who I really am and had always been. During one of the ”Embrace LIFE” courses, I had a strong experience where I truly stood up for myself. A man played the role of my ex-partner, and it became so real! Thanks to this powerful process, I was able to meet him, after 8 years, and be in my strength. He even thanked me for ending the relationship because he realized it was the best thing for all involved. He understood this after 8 years! I had followed my heart, and I was proven right. It felt fantastic!

… and found what I had always been looking for. I also found the last missing piece – to meet myself with others on a deep level that is hard to describe. A depth like looking up at the starry sky – a depth filled with so much love that I wish all people could experience at least once in their lives. I had found what I had always been looking for, which was to be affirmed and seen by others in total presence – and it was so healing. I felt loved for who I am.

When I finally caught life. My longing to work with and use the Human Awareness concept myself was very strong within me, so I trained to become a certified coach and group leader. I am so grateful for having done that. I have a new life thanks to Human Awareness! For me, it is incredibly valuable to coach clients and witness their transformation into being more and more themselves, standing up for themselves and growing. To live fully and follow their hearts and heart’s desires.

I feel like a ”heart midwife.” People’s true nature is born, and the whole person begins to shine. They look younger, their whole demeanor changes, and inner happiness emerges.

Seeing people deeply realize how amazing and unique they are, and the power they have within themselves – it creates joy in my heart. I am so grateful to be a part of people’s innermost lives and to understand more and more how I function and how others function. It’s incredibly exciting! I am also grateful to be on this incredible Earth, and to have an amazing body and to feel a lot. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), which I now see as a great gift.

My gift to the world. Today, I run my own business, Qinilla, where I focus on both individual coaching and group coaching based on the Human Awareness method. I coach clients all over Sweden and abroad, and I also teach qigong, mindfulness, and meditation. I am proud to be where I am today after many years of inner journey that has sometimes been incredibly tough and painful.

My inner journey is definitely not finished. I evolve every day and gain new insights.

When we feel good and are in touch with ourselves, we don’t want to harm other living beings – people, animals, plants, and Mother Earth. Today, I can consciously scan myself and know what makes me feel good and not, and I mostly understand what happens in relationships. But most importantly, I can be in relationships without losing myself – 

and  I can love myself for who I am.

Be in silence, I hear myself.

Be in silence, the wind speak.

Be in silence, I understand the language of the animals.

Be in silence, I communicate with the wise trees.

Be in silence, I experience my greatness, life’s miracles.

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​ Thank you for allowing me to live on and with Mother Earth!

With love to you, amazing, unique person!

YOU are worth living to the fullest!

Gunilla Henriksson